uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
