She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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