K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
