I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
