I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
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I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize