and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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