I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
