just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
