i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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