Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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