I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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