I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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