we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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