Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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