i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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