what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
