I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
