Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
