Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
