Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
