So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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