I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
