my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
