get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
