I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
