Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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