We're like a lot better than the average bears
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
