I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.