i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.