No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.