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Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
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