i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
