I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
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Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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