I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
