I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
