I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
