Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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