shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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