I wanna bring you to show and tell
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
