i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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