ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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