Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
