giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
