I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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