Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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