so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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