we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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