On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
