dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
