then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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