Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
