So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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