So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
