so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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