Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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