Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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