I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm really busy with my period
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