That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got carded by a ten year old.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize