Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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