New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
