8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
