hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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