She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
