I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
