they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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