People in love make me want to vomit
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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