fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
