FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
