I'm really into asian looking animals
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
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