The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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